why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
