rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
