this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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