you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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