if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I will die if light touches me.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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