i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
