I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we should paint friendship bongs
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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