If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you will always have a special place in my vag
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
