Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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