You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
