your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
