What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you never un-have a 4some
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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