Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
