My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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