her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
