Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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