girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
