so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
