my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
