Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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