you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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