They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
