My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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