She is in my trunk
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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