so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
