I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
