Can i not drive my cunt home
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
