how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my sisters under your porch take her home
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
