bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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