I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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