I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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