i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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