her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
