Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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