My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
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I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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