If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
