everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is the high leading the old right now
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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