there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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