so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize