Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
