There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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