somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
