There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
