She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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