my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
