great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
