I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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