Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
