Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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