just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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