Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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