Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
