4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
