this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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