Who did Billy Mays play for?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
