Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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