marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
