i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
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