You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
