just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
