No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
