Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize